As a parent of 2 primary school boys, I often reflect upon my role as a parent and how best I could influence them not just to know important values but to be able to demonstrate them regularly. While my 2 boys (merely 1 1/2 year’s apart) are good playmates with one another, they have recently in their relationship and behaviour shown overt sibling rivalry through mutual teasing and complaining about one another. They, of course, know each other’s hot buttons to push, and voila, tempers flared and whole game of ‘he does this to me’, ‘I did not’, ‘Yes, he did’ starts all over again.

When I mingle with our pupils in school, I would have pupils who would come up to me to seek some form of help or mediation after they have gotten into some quarrels or conflicts. After I have ascertained the issue and help them clarify the ‘rightness’ and wrongness’ of certain behaviours, words or actions, I will always ask them whether are friends. Invariably they would say and affirm that they are friends of one another, and would then behave and act as friends would; such as breaking into smiles, apologising to one another, and then go off together feeling happy that they have reconciled.

So that’s in part the mission of the school – That our children do not just learn the hard skills, but the soft skills of living with one another and respecting each other. It is about the children finding their place in the society and to contribute in a positive way. As adults living and working in the society, we know what it takes to live harmoniously. For children, school is the place where they could learn and grow in a safe and guided environment. Important character values, like showing respect, being gracious and kind, must be consistently and regularly reinforced at home too. This is so that our pupils will not be confused and the internalizing of them will be more effective and ingrained.

So while I long for peace and quiet at home after a tired day in school, I may find myself  when I am faced with the warring brothers with their seemingly trivial issues, I know I need to use these occasions as teachable moments for them to learn. Like what I would mediate with my pupils, I would remind them that they are brothers (in which they have no choice) and that they have certain responsibilities and expectations of them as brothers. Usually, and quite quickly after that, they will resume their play and chit chat while I’m still mulling over their issues. But learning and growing up is an arduous and ongoing process. I know it won’t be too long that they’ll come scurrying up to me again about who’s being naughty and who’s being mean…